A recent series of back-and-forth emails with someone I know and who I offended by challenging them quite "strenuously" about their assertions, brought home to me once again how different is the workaday world I inhabit. Two examples of what it is like to swim in a shark tank and grow accustomed to the sound of gnashing incisors:
1. I'm holding forth in a partners meeting on my position on a business matter about which I feel strongly, when the firm's managing partner interjects helpfully, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." I respond without missing a beat, "You're a man in love with the sound of his own voice and you expect us to believe that that was the dumbest thing you ever heard? Impossible." One of the other partners lets out a loud "ohhhhhhhhhh" in the manner of someone who had just witnessed a hole in one at The Masters, everyone laughs, and, no feelings being hurt, we proceed to dissect our differences.
2. In another partners' meeting, this one of a national law firm two decades earlier, I am listening while "Bill," the managing partner of the Denver office, in which I am also a partner, explains our reasoning for opening a satellite office in Dallas. A pompous partner in the international law section of the firm's D.C. Office sniffs, "Tell me, Bill: can one actually walk in off the street in Dallas and speak with an actual lawyer?" He knows the office is only staffed by attorneys visiting from Denver, and he is trying to squash the satellite office concept as being beneath the grandeur of such a prestigious firm. I respond, "We don't get much walk in business in the financial institutions practice area." There is much laughter, the gas bag attempts to recover by not looking at me and drawling in his best East Coast private prep school accent "Thank you, Bill", as if I had spoken out of turn. A partner sitting next to me, a litigator who had recently joined the firm from the US Justice Department, turned to me grinning and said "A three-pointer. Nothing but net."
I've also been on the receiving end of other people's bon mots, but why would I tell anyone those? It's my blog, and I'm going to slant every post my way. Deal with it!
I'm not saying this is the way human beings ought to interact with one another, but I am saying this is my world. After 38 years in it, I tend to be less attuned than I should be toward those with more delicate sensitivities, who take a straight forward challenge to their positions not as an occasion to fire back in their defense or to give as good as they get, but to collapse in a heap of quivering hurt feelings and aggrieved sensibilities.
I'm not intentionally being a jerk. I've just lost my way. If you can't bear up under the snark, you are right to avoid me.
I can't tell from this if you want to smooth the edges or you are satisfied with them as they are. You said deal with it, but then you said you lost your way. If you want to be more atuned to those with more delicate sensitivities, a brief assessment of the person and situation could probably prevent some offenses. Is it a habit or a decision? If you can think that quickly on your feet in the workday, you can also scale back the agression when the sharks aren't gnashing.
Posted by: Carol Bielamowicz | 03/06/2013 at 08:45 PM
Carol, the entire post is self-mocking. I recognize my faults and regret them, but also realize that in some contexts they are practically useful. The "deal with it" comment comes at the end of a paragraph in which I've just admitted that I have deliberately omitted incidents when others have turned the tables on me, which is obviously unfair. I realize now that writing entire posts with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek only works for readers who have been reading me since I started this blog 8 years ago. Sorry if you found this post confusing. I didn't mean for anyone to take it at face value.
Posted by: Kevin | 03/06/2013 at 08:58 PM
Thanks for the clarification. I will read more carefully. I enjoy your blog and insights.
Posted by: Carol Bielamowicz | 03/09/2013 at 02:12 PM
You don't need to read more carefully, Carol, I need to write more thoughtfully.
Posted by: Kevin | 03/09/2013 at 02:24 PM
I could tell where your tongue was planted. This is pure Kevin at his best self-mockery.
Posted by: Valerie | 03/12/2013 at 10:10 PM
Val, you've been with me since 2005, when you discovered me through the lovely Stacy's blog, I think. You've grown accustomed to my quirks, which are legion.
Posted by: Kevin | 03/14/2013 at 06:19 AM