About Me

  • I'm a semi-retired professional man, living in the Midwestern United States. This blog is a personal blog and is not directly connected with my professional practice (although I may draw upon my professional experiences, as well as my personal experiences, in writing my blog posts). This is a place for personal, not professional, opinions.

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« The First Of The Seven Deadly Sins | Main | Serendipity »

09/24/2013

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Alicia Rae

I think it is the naming of your writing as "foolishness" that draws me in. I become weary of those whose blog and other writing seem to say "I am right and what I have to say is supreme." This blog is refreshing. It is not chocked full of preachy religion (or equally bad: recipes, or pictures of your children). Rather, your writing draws from your experiences, learning or otherwise, incorporates elements of humor, and is full of either purpose or encouragement and always seemingly honesty. I appreciate this "foolish", "full of shit" blog.

Kevin

Thanks Alicia Rae. As to honesty, there's someone who, despite every conscious effort on my part, I cannot stop loving and never will (although we'll never again be in contact), who would tell you that I am absolutely intellectually dishonest and that I do not actually believe that there is much foolishness in these pages. Therefore, foolishness is in the eye of the beholder, and you should be wary of false modesty on my part. As she claims, you need to take what I say here "with a boulder of salt."

With that disclaimer in mind, I think that what I write here, especially what I have written over the past couple of years, is a working out of an internal struggle with a flawed character that is fighting mightily to hold on to a view of the world, and of the people I meet, that is not tenable in the face of the Christian beliefs that I have accepted intellectually, but need to accept in my heart and incorporate into my actions. Sometimes, I feel as if every judgment that I make is wrong, every emotion that I feel is based upon false premises, and that white is black and black white. If this is what it is like to be "born again," the process is painful.

For 40 years, I was certain of one truth: there was no truth, only perception. Now, I think the Bad Kevin is at war with the Good Kevin, trying to save himself from oblivion. The old me is comfortable in the wrong (and dysfunctional) way he deals with himself and others, especially those who see in me the me I could become and try to foster that change, knowingly or unknowingly. I think I perceive them as threats, and project onto them many of my own failings. I want to hurt them so they will leave me alone and let me retreat from what I should become.

Then again, maybe this is all garbage. Every individual who reads it will make their own judgment, for those inclined to judge.

Thank you and others for taking precious time to read, think, and comment. Thank you for letting me know that there are other human beings who struggle with similar issues. Thank you for letting me know that you "get it." It means a great deal to me, and that is not a lie, believe it or not.

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